Stupid Sh*t Stylists Do in New York

New York, New York!  It's a hell of a town.  Especially if you're a model during Fashion Week.  What else could these girls possibly be thinking as they win their wage on the Big Apple's catwalks?   "Mom would be so proud!" or "Gosh, I sure hope my boyfriend's in the audience." or "I wonder if the designer will let me keep this."?

Not a chance.

In their minds' eyes, they're prodding their bookers with pitch forks and cursing that hell of a fashion capital, thanks to the stupid sh*t that stylists do in New York.

The big trend for 2013: Self-Garotting
Creatures of the Wind     SRTW2013

If you were wearing this dress, you'd consider it too.
Creatures of the Wind     SRTW2013

The one in the middle is seconds away from screaming "GET IT OFF ME!" - it's that itchy.
Libertine     SRTW2013

Did someone call for a welder?
Michael Kors     SRTW2013

Meet Lina, our new lab assistant.
Michael Kors     SRTW2013

Mom always said to keep your poise no matter what.  No WAY did she imagine this.
Thom Brown     SRTW2013

No shit, I look pale.  I just pee-ed myself, dumb-ass.
Thom Brown     SRTW2013

Thank gawd they gave me the lampshade ensemble. Thank gawd.
Thom Brown     SRTW2013

Help me out here, fellow Trekkies:  Is this Romulan or Bajoran?
Threeasfour     SRTW2013

Or Star Shrek?
Threeasfour     SRTW2013

Owwww.  This headgear's so tight its flattened my chest.
VPL     SRTW2013

The "I'm a high flying business woman." walk is perfect for this killer Wall Street ensemble.   Perfect.
VPL     SRTW2013

When drug therapy goes wrong.
A Detacher     SRTW2013

When hormone treatment goes wrong.
A Detacher     SRTW2013

When the fuss they made about the blind hair and make-up guy went wrong, these two were sent out in their underwear.
A Detacher     SRTW2013

Not what she expected when the make-up artist said the look would be "dewy".
Alexander Wang     SRTW2013

On the bright side, maybe I could use this to start a portfolio as a male model.
Alexander Wang     SRTW2013

Style File Followers Take Note:
1. I love the New York fashion ethos of wearable, flattering and unfussy style.  I like to think that these exceptions prove that rule.
2. At least I hope so. From what I've seen so far, the New York shows were a bit disappointing...
3. If you look closely at the pee stain on that Thom Brown dress, it appears to be a map of Africa.
4. Check out the purple and orange suede T-straps on the bearded lady.  Do you see how poorly they're made? Can someone please tell me what's good about this outfit? I can't work it out. At all.
5. Yet someone must be funding Creatures of the Wind and A Detacher.  (I needed to breathe into a paper bag when I realised that.)
6. All photos flagrantly 'borrowed' from Style.com.